At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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