Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
