Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
