Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
