i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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