I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There are leaves in my underwear?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
