so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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