It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
