My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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