Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
