When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
