Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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