question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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