Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
