help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
