I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
