So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
