You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
