ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
