Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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