Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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