Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
