well I can't set my house on fire every night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
