I wish you could order shots online.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
