i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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