Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
