You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
