I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
