So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i drank out of a bidet.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
