2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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