everyone is single if you try hard enough
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
