Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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