hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
