When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
