Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
