Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
