i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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