So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
