The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
