He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
