Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
