And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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