You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
