That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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