this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
