There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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