Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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