4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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