I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
