what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
