I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
